shy away

i’ve been feeling melancholic this past few days. its like im everybody’s best friend but i’m nobodys girl friend. not even in my own home did i feel like i should be the one served…well, i can’t blame them. yun kasi yung impression nila sakin even if that’s not how i want them to see me. im 30 in the coming months but i still have this question in my mind, why can’t anyone seem to understand me the way i want to be understood? well, don’t even try to retaliate, i already know the answer. i’ve been reading alot of self help books and sought advices from different professionals. it did help me, yeah. but then again i still want “that person” to come without even changing myself. imposible noh? hahaha!

anyway, i know for a fact that i cannot afford to be panicky. i have to stay calm and collected especially now that my family is in a financial/emotional roller coaster. they drew strength from me even if im really really hurting inside.

is there an able bodied stranger who would want to reach out? ((dream on))

anyway i have a lot for sale: 165 sqm located @ sta. cruz, laguna, philippines. my contact detail is attached to my profile. just buzz me if interested.

september

i met this guy
una palang sa OC
he’s naive and quiet
though i find him witty

when i get to talk to him
inglisero at slang
later i realized
ilocano pala kaya may twang

he liked me daw
yun ang sabi nya
but he still has to move on
ang relationship ay di nya kaya

kaya we just settled
with just being friends
although may mga moments
i thought im his girlfriend

nakakakilig bawat tagpuan
sa SB or YM man
he makes sure ako’y napapaalalahanan
sa mga dapat gawin at dapat pagingatan

sa telepono’y ganon din naman
he’s so sweet para syang langgam
ako naman sa kabilang banda’y iniingatan
ang pangakong maghihintay sa kanya

noong setyembre nangako siya
sa manila kami daw ay magkikita
ngunit lumipas ang buong buwan
ni ha ni ho hindi ko naringgan

may nakapagsabi sa aking
siya daw ay kakasalin
magiging tatay na’t
wag ko nang hintayin

natulala ako’t biglang napatingin
sa kalendaryong nagsasabing “may ilang araw pa ineng”
pero ngayon october 1 na
at walang balita sa kanya
nais ko lang malaman mo *****
hinnintay kita

ang huling tulang ito
ay ginawa para sa’yo
nais kong tapusin sa pasasalamat
sa lahat ng magagandang paala-alang iyong iniwan
habang tayo’y magka-chat

ngayon ako’y mag-iiwan ng isang hiling
kung sakali man ito’y iyong basahin
h’wag maatubiling saki’y magparamdam
hindi kita susumbatan o pararatangan
gusto ko lang manatiling kaibigan

goodluck sa married life
alam kong sya talaga ang iyong mahal
goodluck din sa batang isisilang
pwede ba akong maging ninang?

overture

I would have started this blog site years ago if not only for my fear that someone i know might come across this and judge me according to what he/she have read. but then again i thought, “pwede naman nila hindi malaman ang name ko diba? pwede naman nila malaman what’s going on with me, my whereabouts and other information without compromising my thoughts and inner feelings, right? this isn’t supposed to be an outlet of my alter – ego but i want this to be just a reflection of me. yun nga, without revealing my identity and compromising my thoughts. *geez, how can i ever do it?*

hmm, let this first blog explain the reason behind my desire for anonymity. i used to blog before and I’ve written quite a few articles about my recent adventures, feelings, poems, songs and what not. i am aware that it could be read by people all over the world and not only by people i know (especially those who knew me well enough to react from what I’ve written) then one time, my girl friend way back in high school just emailed me and asked about things I’ve no idea where she heard from. another one is from a guy friend who got mad at me for no reason at all! and the rest goes on. their reason? they read my blog. so from then on i became mindful of what i post but i felt like I’m being censored. my true feelings are suppressed. so i tried hiding my sentiments through poems posted on a site where frequent.

i want a collection of my articles, so even if that worked for me (for quite a while) i need to have a blog site (the other site that i used to maintain was deleted already) where i can post almost anything. no holds-barred!.

i guess this will be all for this particular post. ciao!